The start of the quests
It was arranged that the travellers would firstly check that the pass to the south and the road north to the mountains were both safe for the two expeditions seeking help, and that they would then alert the rest of Summerdale.
Supplies for both journeys were packed and then they had a makeshift morning wash by splashing their faces in the cold water of the stream. Tom just had a drink.
They all helped mount Doctor Johnson on to the horse and then they set off, both parties at first together, with Fastnet flying above them.
They followed the course of the little stream up through the wood until the trees became more sparse and the ground became more rocky where the water flowed out of a spring in the hillside.
‘Which way now?’ asked Elisabeth.
‘Up round those rocks, and then after a while there’s a gap where we join the tracks that run south for me and Nathan and north for you and the others.’ said Rowley.
Just then several seagulls swooped back down the hillside towards them.
‘Wait, wait!’ called Malin.
‘Pirates up ahead.’ squawked Rockall. ‘Guarding track.’
‘How many?’ asked Doctor Johnson.
‘Only two.’ said Malin. ‘And they’re both well woozy.’
‘I got idea…’ said Fastnet.
***
‘Wassa time Clarence?’
‘I don’t know. I’m still plastered. How long before we get relieved?’
‘No idea. Any beer left?’
‘Not a lot.’
‘You mean we’ve drunk the whole barrel?’
‘ ’snot a barrel.’
‘What is it then?’
‘It’s a firkin.’
‘That’s true – it’s a firkin. Shame it’s empty.’
‘Nearly… nearly a firkin shame… not quite empty.’
‘He was right.’
‘Who?’
‘Captain. They do brew good beer here.’
‘Did.’
‘What you mean – did?’
‘No brewer, no beer.’
‘That’s sad, thas so sad…’ He wept. ‘So sad. I mean. I like beer for breakfast. I mean… there’s little enough in life…’
‘There’s little enough in this barrel.’
‘Firkin.’
‘I mean… in life. I mean… pleasure. I mean… point is… Why?
‘Why? -very true. And ‘How?’ and ‘When?’… in yer life…’
‘What?’
‘Yes, and ‘What?’. Like wassis face said…’
‘Who?’
‘Des… Des…’
‘Des Res?’
‘No, no…’
‘Destiny’s Child? Des O’Connor?’
‘No! Des Cartes – that’s him.’
‘Oh, him. Who was he then?’
‘Philosophosopherfer feller. He said it. Or was it Kier Kegaard?’
‘Said what?’
‘‘ ’xactly. ‘What.’ He was in this park…’
‘What park?’
‘This park I’m talking about. Listen. He was standing in the middle of this award winning flower bed. Just standing there, having a think…’
‘As you do.’
‘As you do, yeah. And this Park Keeper comes roaring up. ‘What,’ goes the Parky, ‘Are you doing here?’ And Des, (or maybe Kier), cool as a cucumber, turns round and says ‘What are any of us doing here?’ Just like that. Says it all.’
‘Does it?’
‘Of course it does. I meantersay, what are we doing here?’
‘We’re guarding this track.’
‘No. No! Well we are, but I mean… I mean, it’s a rum do ain’t it? I mean… What’s it all about Eustace? I mean, take your Mum…’
‘Where to?’
‘No. Point is… point is… Take your Mum… (She is ugly isn’t she?)’
‘Who?’
‘Your Mum. You’ve gotta admit it –she’s ugly.’
‘My Mum’s not ugly.’
‘What is she then?’
‘Repellent?’
‘Yeah. I suppose you’re right. She’s more yer repellent. Didn’t repel your dad though, did she?’
‘Ah, but be fair, he only drinks his own cider – he can barely see.’
‘True, true. Would you say he was ugly?’
‘Oh, no. He’s more yer hideous.’
‘Ah. Run in the family does it?’
‘Oh yes. Known for it we are.’
‘I thought you might be. What were we talking about?’
‘No idea. Look at all those seagulls coming over the trees…’
‘Rockall to Red Leader, Rockall to Red Leader…’
‘Come in Dicky.’
‘Bandits at six o’clock sir.’
‘Roger. This looks like it chaps. Red Leader to Malin – keep tight formation Algy, and no singing.’
‘Wilco, Red Leader.’
‘Here we go then – come at them out of the sun. Good luck chaps. The sprats are on me when we get back to the Mess.’
Author of Dangerous Chimes, read more about Michael Macauley over here.